Just a bit of banter

Three separate stories have come out in recent times, that are all interconnected and that show in some way an alarming trend (if you’re female, at least, but you don’t have to be to find it alarming), and one that paints a pretty grim picture of all men.

First there was Ched Evans, the footballer who was released from prison after serving two years of a five year sentence for rape. He was being courted (for want of a better analogy) by his former football club, Sheffield United – who wanted to re-employ him on a full contract. Despite a petition of 60,000 signatures against it, he is now training with the club. Next up in the rapey-hall-of-fame was Julien Blanco – the guy who teaches other guys to assault random women and potential partners. And finally there’s Daniel O’Reilly aka Dapper Laughs having his second series cancelled due to his propensity for rape jokes.

They’ve all got tons of column inches and much has been said and speculated upon about the moral right of these men and why they’re all just ‘making a living’ somehow.

Now, I don’t hang around in alpha male circles and I’ve never been part of a top bantz crew, the idea of being part of any clique I find as exciting as being smashed in the face with masonry. Even when the clique doesn’t involve grunts and simians swinging their dicks in time to the blue-vein flute tune by Daddy Bollocks, I find the idea of being anyone’s nodding dog to be slavish and creepily narcissistic. All those weird ‘in-jokes’ and mimicry of the alpha, it makes my skin crawl. Yet I have encountered their ilk and I know that a common hetero alpha male prides himself on his luck with the laydeez. I’m not sure when violence and coersion came into it, but I always thought being a playa always meant having at a bare minimum (along with massive ultra-white teeth and a square head) some charm, wit and some killer chat to tug at the heart strings or the knicker elastic of one’s inamorata.

Let’s take these cases one at at time:

Ched Evans, like anyone who has served their punishment and their time, deserves the chance to find gainful employment and return to society. The problem is, despite being let out surprisingly early from his sentence is still adamant that he did no wrong, and has a website where ‘a third-party’ defends Evans actions. Now if you’re a high profile sports personality, you know that get paid all that money not because of what you do on the field, but how you cope with what happens off it. Regardless of whether Evans actually committed the crime (and a court of law says that he did), he’s getting paid to be a role model and cope with the pressures that other people don’t have. Ched Evans has every right to rehabilitation and to get a job in the civilian population – but to receive another lucrative contract and added sponsorship while he still refuses to admit that he did it? Absolutely fucking no chance.

Then there’s Julien Blanco who last week had his visa for Australia revoked, where he was scheduled to talk to hundreds of men at a seminar about dating. Except that Blanc’s idea of dating is approaching a random woman and putting her in a choke-hold. “If you’re a white male, you can do what you want,” says Blanc. Because white men are really fucking ruling at this popularity shit on planet Earth right now. Lads –  if you can’t get laid and you’re forking out several grand to listen to a guy telling you to assault a woman to get into her pants, then frankly you don’t deserve to procreate in any way. You’re a moron that is best excluded from the gene pool.

Completing the trio, is Dapper Laughs, who until this week, I’d never heard of. But if one of my friends had said “Hey, I’ve got tickets to this really funny thing called ‘Dapper Laughs’ – wanna come?” What I’d actually hear is someone saying “Hey, I’ve been collecting my toenail cuttings for the past 365 days, want to come round and help me eat them?” I honestly think I’d probably prefer the latter. Now, I’m a miserable bastard, you’ve got to be really funny in a certain way to make me laugh – making a vine of yourself falling over or looking quizzically while a girl’s arse is in the background makes me think you have a mental age of about 9. Rather cleverly, if not at all believable is the assertion that O’Reilly made on Newsnight that it was merely a character, a character that was probably ill-thought out, but a character that he will now ‘kill off’. The benefits of having a decent PR team eh?


What the three cases highlight is (some) men’s idea of sexual expression, and their role in sexual attraction. We have everything from the privileged belief that fame and wealth can get you anything you want – even a right to express innocence when the evidence suggests otherwise, to the guy who targets gullible and lonely men, to the guy who has become famous by leering and ‘bantering’ women. It’s an attitude that prevails in a certain type of male thinking – that women are there to be targeted, dominated, harassed and harmed into having sex with you – despite the tsunami of evidence that suggests otherwise: WOMEN DON’T WANT IT. You don’t even need to be a research genius to discover this.

For anyone who supports Evans, thinks Blanc is a radical with a new approach to dating, or that copying Dapper Laughs is going to give you sex appeal, here’s some advice: go on Twitter or read a few blogs and read what women think. They don’t like it. And what you’re doing is a disservice to your own chances, and to pretty much every other bloke on the planet too.


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